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"Patriarchy has no gender." ~Bell Hooks


I don't know who else is still around the fandomsphere that may read this. The few people I was close to here I've connected with on Facebook, and real life has a taken a toll on all of us in different ways. But writing out Part 3 was always my unfinished business, and at least now I have a slightly more mature head that can finally finish this up.

Today I was re-reading Part 1, Part 2, and the comments. A few things I've realized:

-I think my writing was semi-shitty. I'm probably being too hard myself, but there's a few spots that I want to edit when I have the time.

-My arguments in the comments were even more shitty, and that's just truth. Some of them make me cringe just looking at them

-I, along with many others, delved too much into comparing Muggle discrimination in the HPverse to real life racism, to the point where it was kind of offensive in itself. And most of it was done by non-POC's fighting with non-POC's. The books do a good enough job of setting up muggle discrimination and blood status within its own world. If people are going to deny the conflicts of the story, there's nothing else that can be done. And in many ways, real life racism doesn't even compare to what's in the books.

But what got me so angry and motivated back then and to rant and argue with a whole bunch of strangers was that I was hurt. I was hurt by seeing Lily referred to as a gold digger, as a bitch, as an unforgiving naive girl who stayed unforgiving and naive till the day she died. I was hurt seeing a girl labeled as cruel and hard to deal with for trying to defend herself. I was hurt by seeing all these insults coming from fellow women. And most of all, while all of this was going on, a fictional man who who was just as cruel and emotionally selfish as Lily was claimed to be, who was cruel to the son of the woman he was supposed to love and used his authority as a teacher to do so, was praised to no end by the same people. That he deserved forgiveness for things he was never sorry about until the very last minute when the woman he loved was at risk. Women fawned over him, and some even claimed to be in love with him. (HE'S NOT EVEN REAL!!)

It hurt going into almost every Snape forum, which most people do for their favorite characters, and not feeling safe.

And it still hurts today, because I'm still seeing it. I'm seeing it in discussions of other female characters in other fandoms when it involves the love and/or actions of men. And with what's been going on the last 4 years, I'm seeing it even more in real life. Women's choices are still being debated for whether or not they should be legal by a bunch of mostly white men. Teenage girls who have been raped are being demonized, to the point of being driven to suicide, while their rapists are still roaming free. And in some cases the rapists are being protected by their school and community. And even after they're caught, the journalists who are reporting on their trials are feeling sorry for them for the punishments they have to face. I see it when my girlfriends, who are in their 30's/married/living on their own still complain about their brothers or even their husbands getting special treatment and expectations from their own families. I see it when I now have friends and family who have been victims of abuse and sexual assault, and their male perpetrators still think they've done nothing wrong. I still see women demonizing other women with the same patriarchal attitudes we think can only be executed by men. Women are still in danger, both physically and emotionally.

The list can go on. We are still continuously attacking our women.

I admit, I had a bad habit of arguing with people back then. I still do. But with the few regrets I have for all my past antics, I'm glad I wrote what I did. Because It still needs to be said, because the examples I gave in Part 1 and Part 2 are still happening 4 years later.

To anyone who is reading this, who is still seeing the same things I see in both fandom and real life, who are still fighting (and I see you guys still fighting), I wish you all the strength to keep going. And that anything I've said here or in my past posts inspires you to do so.




EDIT:
I find it a coincidence that I decide to post this last night, and I find out just minutes ago that COS is closing today for good. This is an end of an era.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
inverarity
Jan. 31st, 2014 07:31 pm (UTC)
Hey, you're still on my flist. I'm too lazy to move off of LJ. :P

I admit, I watch all the HP fandom drama and debates from a considerable remove, having come into it very late and at a much older age. Don't apologize for being argumentative, though!
ravenstar84
Jan. 31st, 2014 08:11 pm (UTC)
Thank a bunch!

I'm thinking about getting back into being more active here and changing things up. I've gone on a mission to watch all things Star Trek with enough to rant and rave about. :-p
inverarity
Jan. 31st, 2014 08:58 pm (UTC)
I'm not quite old enough to have watched TOS when it was first aired, but it is the one I grew up with (in reruns). I remember what a big deal the first Trek movie was. And I've been very meh about the more recent adaptations.

My favorite Trek series was Deep Space Nine, but no one else seems to appreciate it. :(
ravenstar84
Feb. 1st, 2014 12:57 am (UTC)
I'm definitely going to watch DS9 once I finish with the TOS cartoon series. :D This may just turn into a Star Trek blog after all. XD
sailorlum
Feb. 1st, 2014 12:28 am (UTC)
I can honestly say that your anti-misogyny Lily posts have been an inspiration to my calling misogyny out. :)

So sad how much misogyny is still going, and increasingly so in some ways. T_T

And have you seen what's happening with children's toys and such? The gender divide has gotten really extreme, in a strict divide where even the toy aisle walls are painted pink and blue to denote which side you are on (it's even worse than when I was a kid in the 80s). I tried to give my niece something "gender neutral", for a change (Lincoln Logs that built a house and came with a toy dog that looked just like her family dog, in a yellow box) and she bummed hard that the box was not pink (so she thought it wasn't a "girl toy").

Regarding the whole blood prejudice and racism thing, do you think it's a bad idea to call blood prejudice racism or just bad to go overboard trying to compare the fantastic racism to real world racism?

JKR did make it explicit that it was a [fantastic] race issue in her wizarding world in OotP:

[Harry:] "Were — were your parents Death Eaters as well?"

[Sirius:] "No, no, but believe me, they thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge. They weren't alone, either, there were quite a few people, before Voldemort showed his true colours, who thought he had the right idea about things . . ."

Just curious what you thought of that.
ravenstar84
Feb. 1st, 2014 01:14 am (UTC)
I think the books give a good example of racism and prejudice and why it's wrong. What I kept seeing in the past was everyone constantly throwing out real life words and situations. It just doesn't sit well with me looking back on it.

And omg! I'm now at the age where my friends have babies, and shopping for baby showers/birthdays for toys/clothes is so annoying! It's so hard to find anything gender neutral or anything that's not strictly pink and blue. I remember growing up playing with multiple toys and wearing every color when I was kid. Even looking for baby shower cards and gift bags gets complicated. -_-

Edited at 2014-02-01 01:15 am (UTC)
sailorlum
Feb. 1st, 2014 02:02 am (UTC)
I think the books give a good example of racism and prejudice and why it's wrong. What I kept seeing in the past was everyone constantly throwing out real life words and situations. It just doesn't sit well with me looking back on it.

Ah, I can dig it. I've backed off on that, myself, tbh.

And omg! I'm now at the age where my friends have babies, and shopping for baby showers/birthdays for toys/clothes is so annoying! It's so hard to find anything gender neutral or anything that's not strictly pink and blue. I remember growing up playing with multiple toys and wearing every color when I was kid. Even looking for baby shower cards and gift bags gets complicated. -_-

I wore and played with anything I pleased, that I could get my parents to buy for me, and they'd let me break gender norms so it was just a matter of affording it (although my peers were not always down with that and there was some ostracizing and slurring, now and then), but it would be even harder for me today. It's just mind boggling. -_-

If all I can find is pink and blue (knock on wood that I'll be needing to shop for baby things soon), I'm gonna buy some of both, regardless of gender, so there's at least a little variety. But hopefully I can find a variety of colors, because the same two all the time get so boring. Society needs to learn to taste the rainbow, once more.
ravenstar84
Feb. 1st, 2014 05:12 am (UTC)
If anything, you should be able to find colors with kid clothes. The only problem is that when it comes to boy clothes, the color combo is usually brown, blue and green, while girls have the pink and purple colors. Then again, maybe I need to shop at places other than Target. <.

Edited at 2014-02-01 05:12 am (UTC)
sailorlum
Feb. 1st, 2014 04:56 pm (UTC)
I used to work for Kids R Us/Babies R Us, and they used to have a gender neutral section for the babies, but now it's all been divided up, and it's pretty much like what you've found at Target. Each section does have some green and yellow, but not much. All stores I've looked at, that have a boy and girl section, are this way. ^_^' And the gender neutral clothing stores seem to stock mostly the same type of stuff you find in the "boys section" of others stores (the colors are mostly all bold or drab, with few brights and pastels...it's depressing, I was hoping for a better mix of all colors and shades). I think picking from both "boy" and "girl" sections is going to be what I have to do if I want the most color and shade diversity, but that's okay, because I buy from whatever section I like, for myself, and it's all arbitrary, anyway, these boy/girl section divides.

If you are buying for others who aren't willing to spit in the face of gender conformity, though, there are a few things in both sections that could work for a boy/girl without most people pitching a fit about it breaking gender norms (if they don't know what section you bought it in), but it's hard to find.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )